it wasn’t your burden

monotonxus:

Mai always knew Zuko cared for her, it was evident in the things that he did and how he was concerned for her safety - even despite the fact they both damn well knew she could take care of herself. It was endearing, mostly so since he was capable of being both protective and restful of her space at the same time. If he’d have been the type of boyfriend who always insisted she have a guard, then they most definitely wouldn’t have lasted as long as they did.

     He respected her and her independence, and supported her abilities rather than tried to instill things upon her and treat her like a fragile doll.

         But she couldn’t think of such things now, not when it could distract her from the lingering issue at hand. Zuko had his good qualities, things about him that she loved and adored like no other, but that wasn’t an excuse to just always let him off the hook when he made a mistake.

It was just unfortunate he made mistakes rather often. Not on purpose, of course, and he always did try his best to fix things. Regardless, she was still in love with an exasperating idiot.

          And it was because she loved him that she was so hard on him.

❝ And here I thought you might just be enjoying the scenery…”

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It was a quick, sarcastic remark that fell from her lips with an unenthusiastic wave of her hand. She wasn’t going to make this easy for him. In fact she had every intention of being difficult because, frankly, if he was as sorry as she anticipated he’d say he was, then he’d be persistent.

         She might have been angry with him, and for all she knew she wasn’t sure where their relationship would go after everything he needed to say was said, but she wanted him to fight for her. Even despite it all, a part inside of her knotted up as she looked upon his face and she needed to know that he still needed her.

               Even after all this time… even after what she’d said and the cruel way she was treating him now.

Because she missed him, too. She’d be lying if she said otherwise. Lying if she didn’t admit she spent moments looking through their portraits and nostalgically replay moments they shared together.

           ❝ I’ve missed you, too…” She wanted to say it, because it was true. So very true. Yet she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. Instead, the words fell limply on her lips, unspoken yet vibrating through her very core.

Her eyes locked with his, but she made sure her expression wouldn’t betray her and nonverbally reveal those unspoken words.

Of course he respected her independence. Her independence was a part of who she was, Mai was far from a fragile doll that needed constant protection by him or an appointed guard. Sure he could still get a bit overprotective at times, him locking her in a jail cell at the Boiling Rock was supporting evidence for that. He didn’t have a doubt in his mind that Mai knew her way around a fight and how to best employ some defensive maneuvers to keep herself safe, but that didn’t mean he’d never take it upon himself to ensure that she was one hundred percent protected. That’s just how you were when you loved someone, you get protective and don’t want to see anything bad happen to them.

Hah, if she was going to let him off the hook, then it certainly wouldn’t have taken her a year to take that initiative and let him back in to her life. Instead she kept herself out here, left in the emotional solitude and void that came from barricading yourself from the person you love most.

But he was going to make mistakes, he was only human after all. It was just unfortunate that he was making the same sort of mistakes over and again.

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“I was. I mean, I am.” Considering he wasn’t the smoothest of customers when put on the spot like this and made to feel even more awkward than he already did, that wasn’t even meant to be some sort of cheesy line, but it could always be interpreted that way. Mai knew better than to expect him to spout a line just to try and appease her though.

Another few tentative steps toward her, and now there was just three between them; almost within arm’s length. He’d be able to touch her if they were to both stretch their arms out just a little in front of him.

It’d be the first physical contact Zuko had had with Mai in over a year.

And it’d be a blatant lie if said he didn’t miss it terribly. For as stressful as his first year as Fire Lord was, not having his girlfriend by his side made it that much more intolerable. Not having those gentle touches he knew her capable of, hearing her dry humor when employed, hearing her cynical comments that made her so beautiful in his eyes. He didn’t want a girl who was overly energetic, that never seemed to slow down; nothing against someone like Ty Lee of course, but Zuko probably never would’ve found himself attracted to her, not after having been pining after Mai for all those years when they were little.

The second bout of eye contact wasn’t unbearable. In fact, it was actually a bit more tolerable than Zuko would’ve anticipated it to be. Knowing how easily capable Mai was of holding a grudge when she so chose to, recognizing that her voice wasn’t ice cold was hopefully a good sign.

“Mai… … ” His voice had more conviction, more steadiness in it this time, but Zuko was not about to jump ahead with however this conversation was going to go. This was a heavy topic, he needed to tread lightly if he wanted her back in his arms before he walked out of the flower shop.